Conspiring knee caps.

by 7zander

Why don’t you pick yourself up? You just lie all over the key board. We could be a lot faster if you could just wake up.

I am awake.

So then why do you keep making the little colour man run all over the writing?

My fingers think that there is a little man with different coloured pencils that runs around inside the screen underlining the mistakes that my fingers make on the screen.

I don’t make mistakes; I am merely practicing my Armenian script.

What do you mean, you don’t know Armenian.

Of course I do, I went to Armenia when I was single in my bachelor days.

Fingers can get a little sensitive when they make a hash of things.    

My ring finger on the left hand can get a little naasty with the little finger on the saame haand. I think that they have spent too much time in close proximity. The problems reaaaaally only staaarted with the onset of my disease in my haands. The left pinkie has not been working aaat aall well which means that the ring finger has to work a lot harder than it is used to. Typing is a case in point if I caan demonstrate what happens without the benefit of corrections. The thing that really worries the ring finger is that he has the faint suspicion that he is next in line for the dreaded lurgy.

I have to step in every now and remind them thaaaaat when it is time for bed we really have to concentrate very hard or the little man in the screen will be out of coloured pencils and exhausted in the morning.

Another interesting conversation that is regularly heard in my area of the woods is the one that my legs have one with the other. Actually it’s my knees. I might be bending down in the shower to pick up a piece of soap that pinkie has let slip when I hear my right knee ssay to my left. You leaaan on me. Despite the faact that he is the shaaakey one and more likely to give way in a tough situation he hangs out tough. You lean on me and we can form a triaangle of strength with the ground. As I strain to bend down their voices get louder. Hold it, hold it, he’s leaaaaaning to the left. I’m leaning to the left because old loud mouth is so busy talking that he has forgotten to move. I jam my bum against the wall of the shower just in time to save the triangle of strength from letting the whole team fall into the plughole. The hot taap thaaat leaks down the wall sends aa messaaaage to my braaain ….. Fire in the rear!

They have great consideration for one another as they get going. You go first. No old chap you first. No I absolutely insist you first, I could not think of taking the place of precedence. The two of them rested like two old men on a park bench in the sun. Neither willing to take the plunge. I stepped in to saay that I wanted to move and that my left leg should move first. He called up the reinforcements and my right hand reached down to pull my left leg closer. Then I got hold of the back of the bench with my left hand rocked my body back and forth , the critical stage had been reached, I launch my body , legs and arms. Come on guys all together and I am up. My right knee is so exited that he starts to shout and at the same time forgets to lock himself into position. Back on the bench I encouraged them all again, have a little break in the sun and we can give it a go in a couple of minutes. I did not tell them that there are only so many laaaunches in a day

Once I was up and heaaded back to the house my knees staaart being polite. Every now and then one of them stops and gives the other a turn. Go again. You have been doing so well you have aaaanother go.

No please I don’t want to go out of turn.

No problem at all old fellow you have another two turns.

But that’s hopping isn’t it? I haven’t hopped since I was little.

I stepped in and saaid that’s enough from you two! Just get us all in to the house aand then we can sit down and have a break. I should not haaave spoken so firmly

No sense of aadventure that’s what I say I heard old loudmouth saaaaay. Now as you know the average person has a brain and that brain controls the rest of the body. I have brains in each part of my body and they all work independently. Today the brains in my feet were very keen to go for a walk; the only problem wass that they had not discussed the route and were going to opposite ends of the garden. The knees those two old conspiratorial spies were putting their heads together and I could not hear a word thaaat they were saaying under their caaaps but I knew enough to know that they were not saying the same things as the feet were saying. Just atop I heard myself mutter as the two of them daaaaaaaaaashed off down the hill. He waaants to move, he wants to go, now we are going and he is getting scaaaaaaaared.

They were right of course I waas scaared the fence waas coming up and they knew that the fence was a lot harder thaan the graaaass that they were heading for.

No spirit of adventure thaats the problem with him he has not had his head in the bottlebrush or the compost heaaaap.

As Miraaaanda walks up; I heaaaar her saying ‘Roo come and help me get dad out of the bushes’.